I Peed Myself - Am I a Pussy?

Since I can remember, I've always had emotional problems when I needed to see a doctor. I can't tell whether I get this fainting sensation from the white walls or from the doctor who's supposed to make me better but it's something I have no control over.

What normally happens is this: I visit the doctor (dentist or whatever) and when the consulting starts to be a little more serious I pass through a fainting sensation accompanied by nausea, temporary loss of sight (I see black), my skins turns pale and of course I get a weakness in my knees which causes me to fall in case I don't find something or someone near to lean onto. If this happens when I'm at a new doctor, one who doesn't know I have this problem, the embarrassment makes this experience even more dramatic. But after I get some fresh air and wash my face with cold water I become animated again and the doctor can do his thing with me. Basically I get through a low point, I'm still conscious, and then I come back again ready to be abused by the merciless physician or surgeon.

In order to get a sense of how lame I can be, you should know that once I fainted during an X ray consultation - I had a problem with my right collarbone. I was standing in front of the X ray cannon (some Siemens apparatus) and as it started scanning me, I begun to think about the harmful rays that were penetrating me and then my knees went loose and I lost my sight and... Bang! Next thing I knew I was lying on the floor. A few minutes later I was viewing my X ray results on a display, joking with my doctor...

So I know I have this problem and my doctors know it as well, thus they are patient with me and I'm comfortable with them knowing it coz then I know I won't make a fool out of myself every time I need them. I get to their clinic, tell them my problem, they start fixing it, I faint, they wait, I come back online, they go on fixing me and we're done!

Last time though... it was different. The nurse was preparing the needle as to puncture my index finger - they needed a drop of my blood to see the sugar level - at which point I said to her: "I may faint at this". She punctured me and - Bang! I went offline as never before. My luck was I was seated and I only fell sideways, leaning on the wall (the chair was in the corner of the room). It was an instant faint, unlike the usual ones, and I really lost my conscience for a few tens of seconds.

I cannot tell you how bad was the wakening... I was in a state where I had flashbacks of the surrounding reality mixed with recent memories and I could hear pieces of voice but nothing intelligible. I realized I'm in an awful state - and, in my mind, I started begging the skies to get me out of there. I'm not the best christian but I cried out for help... It was painful, confusing, and it seemed to never stop - I guess I can call it my little hell experience.

Finally all those flashbacks started to fade and then I began to hear the nurses' voice, then I gained my sight and full conscience again. The nurse asked me: "Is it always like this?" and I said: "No. This was awful..." and then she said "You had convulsions and you wet your pants.". As I sat down in the chair, I looked down and saw my wet pants and urine dripping from the edge of the chair, spreading slowly on the floor. I had peed myself and was feeling terribly weak. I just couldn't recover from the weakness even after I got fresh air and washed my face.

To make a long story short:
  • a friend came and took me from the clinic to the neurology hospital
  • from there I was taken by ambulance to the county hospital
  • I had vomited a few times to this point
  • they took blood for analysis (this was definitely another fainting opportunity but for some reason I didn't pass out)
  • they put a plastic tube in my vein on which came the juice that brought me back to full power - my first ever perfusion
  • they took urine samples
  • they scanned my heart a few times
  • they took blood again for more tests, from my other arm (again I didn't faint, I guess I became stubborn in being online)
  • they didn't find anything and said I'm as healthy as an ox but they recommended me to go back to neurology hospital and do some more tests and stay in the hospital a few days
  • the ambulance took me back to neurology hospital
  • dinner time had passed so I escaped from the hospital and went out to eat (my girlfriend was with me from point one)
  • I came back, slept in a room with other five patients (old men)
  • the doctors made all possible tests the next day
  • I asked them to release me as I was feeling strong
  • I was out of the hospital late in the afternoon
Doctor's conclusions:
  • I'm super healthy
  • I have a slow heart rate which is normal for endurance athletes
  • I should see a psychotherapist for getting rid of my fear of doctors, hospitals and needles
  • the faint might have happened because I was on an empty stomach (I ate my oats porridge at 8.30 in the morning and I was at the clinic for blood sugar tests at 12.30)
So that's me! I climb free solo, I go outdoors a lot, I jump off cliffs, I swim underwater almost 40 meters, I seek bear encounters, I do bungee swings, I pursue thrilling experiences and yet I'm such a pussy weak freak...

During my short stay in the hospital the nurses asked me what kind of a man was I. :) Man, was I pissed! (pun intended). They were chuckling and smiling as I sat down and told them my story.

What can I say... maybe I am a pussy...

P.S. Those two days (in December 2009) I wore my peed dark gray jeans. I didn't want clean clothes to be brought to me as it seemed to be too much of a hassle. The pee dried and one couldn't tell whether I wet my pants by looking at them but perhaps by smelling the air around me. I wouldn't know coz nobody told me... Oh yes, I had my dinner in a restaurant that evening :-)

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4 comments :

  1. Wow - i've never known someone to have such a reaction to doctors. I'm glad there was nothing seriously wrong with you when they ran all of the tests. And I LOVE that you embrace your weaknesses... forget all of those who make fun of you. I bet most of them would be terrified to do a quarter of the amazing things you do on a regular basis.

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  2. I resemble my father with this issue - he fainted in a cinema when he was about my age - it was a surgery scene :) .
    The doctors were looking for any sign that may suggest epilepsy but at the end they said I'm okay and I should see a shrink. They also said there have been cases where the tests came out negative but the patients kept having seizures. The convulsions that I had were similar with epileptic seizures and that's why they insisted to run all those tests.
    There is no history of such medical conditions in my family and thus I should be okay.

    Thank you for your thoughts, Heather!

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  3. ' Am i bovvered?! '
    Great!!! :)

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  4. Seen my video "Man of constant sorrow"? I wanted to faint, but since I was in extreme pain and "straped" to a tree with a ton of wood hanging on my harness (and yes, things between the legs were in pain too), I for some unknown reason didn't pass out. I did faint while a doctor was sticking a long needle into a puncture wound in my shin bone. I said to him I felt like an ass coming to the doctor for something I could put a Band-aid on. He said 'Quite the contrary, you could get a bone infection".....Lights out for me. Don't like that bone infection thing I guess.

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